


Gintama Wars

by UnknownUnseenUnheard



Category: Gintama, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Canon Divergence - Star Wars Expanded Universe, Crossover, Gen, Lightsaber Battles, Parody, yato - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7755148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownUnseenUnheard/pseuds/UnknownUnseenUnheard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Yorozuya find themselves waking up not in their homes, but on Tatooine, just how much chaos will they cause in the Galaxy far, far, away? Set during Episode IV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crossover? No One Told us we had to do a Crossover!

A/N: So, I've just recently finished the Gintama manga. Wow. Things really took a twist there. Sadly, I must now wait for new chapters. So, in the meantime… Fanfiction :D

Warnings: This is Gintama. Enough said.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Crossover? No one told us we had to do a Crossover!**

Gintoki Sakata sighed and turned over in his sleep. Eyes scrunched, he mentally cursed whoever had left the damn curtains open and attempted to pull his blanket over his head.

It was in that moment that Gintoki blearily realized his blanket was not within reach. With a growl, his hand shot about, searching for his precious anti wake-up-in-the-morning device.

Sleep! He needed to sleep! Damn sun, why was it so bright this morning anyways?

Gintoki yelped and shot up when instead of finding his blanket, his hand buried itself in burning hot sand.

Burning.

Hot.

Sand.

"Eh? What is this? Where am I? Eh?" Gintoki's eyes darted around. eyes widening slightly, Gintoki came to a terrible realization: this was not Earth. How did he know this? Well…

"Why.. Why are there two Suns? Why is my futon in the middle of a desert? Why are my clothes folded neatly next to the futon with my sword on top of them? Where the hell am I!"

* * *

Kagura's eyes snapped open. Contrary to popular belief, Kagura still had all the ingrained instinct of a species that had only known war for a majority of its evolution.

As such, it took her less than a second to realize several things; she was no longer at Yorozuya Gin-Chan, she was in a hot place that would probably kill her if she idly leave it soon the same way Hosen kicked it, and there were two unknowns making their way towards her unguarded futon.

In a flash, the young Yato sprung up from bed, spun in the air, and produced her Umbrella out of nowhere. Bullets rained down all around her.

"You won't have my Sukonbu, aru!"

"We don't want your Sukonbu! We don't even know what Sukonbu is!"

There was a snap-hiss and Kagura blinked as all her shots were deflected. As her vision came into focus, Kagura let her umbrella unfold to guard from the sun.

Ouch!

Sadly, she didn't have her special sunscreen. Gintoki and Shinpachi must never know that the reason she could run around in the sunlight unlike most Yato was because she discovered sunscreen. She wouldn't be able to troll them as often if they knew, after all.

Then, her eyes fixed on the growling beamsaber.

Beam. Saber.

Realization lit in the young girl's eyes. With a feral growl, she gripped her weapon and glared death at her opponent.

"Obi-Wan Kenofi! I won't let you hurt Shinpachi anymore, aru! Die, aru!"

"How did you know my na-" Ben Kenobi didn't have more time to reply. Instead, he was forced to draw his lightsaber up in defense as Kagura's umbrella came down. Beside him, Luke most definitely did not shriek and fall over as the force of Kagura's blow pushed a shocked Ben backwards.

* * *

Shimura Shinpachi was not having a good day.

For one, when he woke up, he couldn't find his glasses. While his vision wasn't nearly as bad as Sachan's, it was still bad to the point where they made a visible difference in his fighting style.

For another…

"I already told you, I'm not a droid!"

"I'm afraid, sir, that R2's sensors detect you are approximately one percent of a person. Therefore, in order to function, you must be a droid of some kind. I must say, you are most advanced."

Shinpachi twitched.

"Now I know how Zura feels…" Shinpachi muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry, what was that, Shintank?"

"Shintank? Shintank? My name is not Shintank! I'm not a droid! I'm a human! Human! Why is the old joke from the Tama Quest arc coming up? How did you know about it? What is this!"

R2 chose that moment to let loose a series of beeps that left Shinpachi pale. By the Gorilla creator, how utterly vulgar must that droid be for every single word he uttered to be censored?

"What was that, R2? You've detected an anomaly that resonates with Shintank?"

"Shinpachi!"

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEP!"

"How peculiar. Just what is this device and how does it function?"

It was then than Shinpachi realized what his two… Infuriating companions had found. Seriously. He was never complaining about Gintoki and Kagura ever again. At least they weren't censored 24/7.

"My glasses!" Shinpachi cried, snatching them out of C-3PO's hands.

"Why, I say! How utterly rude! Did the maker not program you correct-"

"BEEEEEEEEP!"

"What? What do you mean, he now registers as human? Just how messed up are those circuits of yours, R2! Poor Master Shintank, I've been mistreating him this entire time!"

"Shintank janai! Shinpachi da!"

…

Shinpachi glared up at the sky.

"Stop making me into the Zura of my generation!"

* * *

"Are the pieces all set?"

"Of course, old friend."

The first laughed.

"You know, you are perhaps the only person from my past who still calls me friend. Gintoki and Zura have sworn to kill me."

"Again? It will pass. Always does. Ahaha! Ahaha! Ahaha! Aha- ow!"

"That ridiculous laugh of yours still gets on my nerves."

"Ahaha- ow, ow, stop, ow!"

Takasugi ignored Sakamoto, however, and stomped a little harder. Then, he glanced out to the rising twin Suns of Tatooine.

"Let's see how this plays out, ne, Sakamoto?"

"There gonna be pissed."

Takasugi rolled his eye.

"Of course their going to be pissed. Incidentally, it's not my policy to involve myself in situations were I'm not at least halfway assured of my own success, so… Bye!"

…

"Eh? Takasugi? You're not going to let me take the fall for you, are you, ahaha, ahaha! Takasugi? Oiy, Talasugi!"

Takasugi, however, was already gone.

* * *

A/N: There are no Star Wars Gintama crossovers. How… How can this be? How utterly tragic! So, I've decided to combine my two favorite series :) hope you all like the start.


	2. A Year? You Waited a Over a Year!?

A/N: Er. Hello? Hi. I'm back. How are you all? 

 

Published: 10/19/2017

 

Warnings: None for this chapter

* * *

 

**Chapter 2**

**A Year? You Waited Over a Year!?**

 

It was done. 

After all this time, at last, it was done. Finally. After waiting so long, after such a long and brutal wait, it was done. Really, it had taken far too long. Too many days had passed. Days had spilled into weeks which had spilled into months. 

But, finally, it was done, at long la-

“How dare you keep the audience waiting for over a year, eh! How dare you keep them wondering over the fate of the great, amazing, and heroic Gintoki-sama! Such a grievous sin can never be forgiven!”

“Self centered sweet freak! No one cares about your fate! What they want to know is about how I defeated Obi-Wan Kenofi in single combat, proving myself as the true heroine of the story!”

“You're both wrong! They probably all forgot the story even existed and just went on with their lives since it wasn't getting updated!”

Gintoki and Kagura responded by spinning and smacking Shinpachi away before turning and glaring death at one another. Heads slamming together, the two glared, sparks flying. 

“They care about me!”

“No, me! Who cares of the fate of a half washed ex soldier, aru? They care about the fate of me, a beautiful kind and good princess, aru! I'm the main character, after all, aru!”

“Guys! Stop! Let's just start the story!”

The other two members of the Yorozuya glared at Shinpachi. Then, as one, they turned to glare at the author. 

Feeling the eyes boring into him like the the burning mark of a laser, the author wrote faster. 

“Hurry up! Get on with the story!”

* * *

  
  


Obi-Wan ‘Ben’ Kenobi had faced off against many opponents in his many long years. From his battle with Vader to his duel with Darth Maul, Obi-Wan had fought in life threatening battles all his life. He distinctly remembered his first kill. The first kill never leaves you. It's a mark that is always reflected on your soul. 

Ben never forgot. 

Bruck Chun’s broken body was one he would always remember. 

This girl, however…

The way she fought was odd indeed. She had all the fitness of a rancor, which is to say, none at all. She made up with it, however, with ferocity that matched even that of Vader’s. Her moves were instinctive and difficult to read in the Force, even through the battle precognition all Jedi were blessed with. 

The strange umbrella like weapon slammed upon his lightsaber once more. Amazingly, it wasn't destroyed. Instead, the rather unruly child pushed down and blasted off the ground. 

Ben’s surprise nearly cost him. 

The girl somersaulted over his head, a spray of shrapnel blasting from the tip of the umbrella. 

Ben blocked as best he found before fending off the rest of the blast with the Force. 

The girl landed upright. With a glare, she pointed the strange weapon straight at Ben. He noticed that the girl winced under the glare of the sun. Her pale skin was already reddening with a burn, no doubt caused by the exposure. 

This place was not a suitable one for her kind, it seemed. 

She might look human, but Ben knew better. Looks alone a person does not make. He could feel her in the Force, and he could tell that this girl was anything but human. She was strong, powerful, and different. A wilder, more raw instinct drove her than that which drove the human race. 

Whatever she was, it was near human. However, it seemed the strength she wielded was exchanged for a fault. The glaring suns of Tatooine were her weakness. 

Her self righteous rage, however, was something Ben could not place. She was mistaking him for someone else. She attacked him with such a fury that Ben knew whoever she believed he was had harmed her. No, he realized, this Kenofi hadn't harmed her. 

He had harmed someone named Shinpachi. Someone close to the girl, then. Someone she cared about deeply. 

Aggression, Ben realized, would not work here. Instead, he had to take a different route. Not for the first time, Ben reminded himself that there was power in surrender, in moving with the current. There was a reason he had been known as the Negotiator, after all. 

Without a second though, he pressed the button the side of his lightsaber. The blade snapped away into nothing. Then, he did something that would have made half the Jedi Order look at him as if had gone bonkers. 

Perhaps he had. 

Ben tossed his lightsaber down, allowing it to roll to the girl. 

Suspiciously, she eyed if before her eyes snapped back up to him. 

“Ben,” Luke’s voice rang out, “Are you out of your mind? She's trying to kill us!”

“What the little blondy said, aru!” The girl declared. “What game are you playing, Kenofi? I won't let you harm Shinpachi again.”

“Whoever this Kenofi is, I can promise you, I'm not him.” Ben placated, arms lifted up in mock surrender. Evidently, the girl had no idea he was a Jedi. If she had, she would have been weary of a potential Force blast. 

A Jedi, after all, was never defenseless. 

The sound of a gun being cocked rang through the empty desert. The hand on the umbrella shook, and Ben realize one thing. 

Despite her utter resolve go attack him, the girl didn't want to kill him. Not like this. Not in cold blood. She didn't have a killer's heart. Ironic, considering the instinct he could feel flowing from her. Whatever species this girl was, she was an apex predator. Dangerous and fierce. 

“My name is Ben Kenobi. Perhaps this Kenofi is a relative of mine I have never met. I wouldn't know. I never met my biological family. But, I can promise you: I am not him.” Ben stated firmly. 

The girl wavered. 

Then, at long last, the arm lowered. 

“Where the hell are we, aru?”

* * *

  
  


“Master Luke will be oh so worried! I wish you didn't go off on your own like this, Artoo! Why, if you continue like this we just might end up with our memories wiped and sold back to those dreadful little creatures!” 

Shinpachi twitched. 

The golden droid wouldn't stop complaining. He seemed to be stuck on whine mode, and nothing Shinpachi did seemed to get rid of it. 

The small little blue one, R2-D2, seemed determined to find someone named Master Kenobi. The name rang against Shinpachi’s ears, and memories of Kenofi struck him. 

Shinpachi knew it was idiotic. 

Why would this Kenobi be anything like Obi-Wan?

If only Shinpachi knew. 

Still, as they made their way across the burning planes, Shinpachi wondered where the others were. Were they trapped on this burning rock, just like he was? He sincerely hoped not. 

Kagura wouldn't survive here. All Shinpachi had to do was remember the broken form of Hosen to realize that. One sun, Kagura could handle, but two?

This place would literally burn her up. 

“More humans? What do you mean you detect more humans?”

Shinpachi tilted his head. 

More? Perhaps the little blue droid had detected some of the locals! Finally! And, because of plot convenience, Shinpachi just knew that pesky little things as a language barrier wouldn't stand in their way. 

Things were going his way at last! Finally-

“Sougo, you bastard, what did you do!” a familiar voice screeched out. Shinpachi froze. 

“As I said, Hijikata-San, I am innocent.” was the deadpan reply. 

“You little liar! This is just your latest attempt to murder me, isn't it! Is that a bazuka? How do you always have a bazooka!”

An explosion rang out, blasting pieces of rock everywhere. 

“Oh my!” Threepio exclaimed. “How dangerous! We should leave the area at once before we get caught up in the fight!”

Too late, Shinpachi mused, as Toshiro Hijikata, Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, landed before them. Face darkness by soot, the commander glared up. 

“Sougo, you bastard, you could have killed me!”

Out of the smoke came Okita Sougo himself, bazooka casually tossed over a single shoulder as if it weighed nothing at all. 

“So sorry, captain. I'll improve my aim for next time.”

“You little shi-”

Then, Hijikata noticed he had company. Eyes locked on Shinpachi, it took several seconds for Hijikata to process it all. Then, he began to swear loudly at the top of his lunds. 

“Yorozuya! Come out, you sugar loving no life bastard! You did this, didn't you? I'll beat the shit out of you, you lazy bastard!”

Artoo began to beep repeatedly. If Shinpachi didn't know any better, it sounding like the droid was cooing. 

Great. Just great. What mess had he found himself in this time? 

* * *

  
  


Gintoki frowned. 

With a casual flick, he let a bugger loose, not caring where it went. Boot slamming down again against the white armor of the Stormtrooper underfoot, he turned. 

Owen and Beru Lars could only stare in amazement at the mysterious silver haired man that had just taken out an entire squad of Stormtroopers with just a wooden sword. 

Then, Owen grimaced and glared. Arms crossed, he stared directly at Gintoki. 

Gintoki titled his head back. Interesting. The human seemed offended that Gintoki had saved him. Why was beyond him. 

“Kenobi never told us he was training a new apprentice. We thank you for… the aid, but your presence is not appreciated, Jedi.”

“Owen! This kind man just saved our lives!”

“He's brought the Empire on our heads, that's what he's done! How long do you think before they start to wonder why their troops aren't reporting in!”

Ah. A couple's quarrel. Lovely. Not one Gintoki was interested in. 

Instead, he let himself fall face first. Two elderly couple stopped their argument, turning towards the fallen samurai. 

“Water. Please. Water.”

So it was that the death of the Lars was prevented

* * *

  
  


A/N: Thoughts? Responses? Suggestions? Criticisms? Feel free to leave a review :)

  
  
  



	3. Testing the Patience of Ben Kenobi

A/N: I wrote this chapter on memory. Hm. I wonder if I'll have to rewatch A New Hope for this. If so, it's an awesome movie so meh

Published: 12/09/2017

Warnings: None for this chapter

* * *

** Chapter 3 **

**Testing the Patience of Ben Kenobi**

At long last.

It was done.

At last, after all this time, it was-

"Oiy! This is starting out similar to how the last chapter started! How dare you! Lazy author, do something original!"

"Stupid Shinpachi-kun. This is fanfiction. By definition, it can't be original."

"It damn well can! No one else has a Gintama Star Wars crossover! Surprisingly! Why is there no others?"

"You mean we have to put up with this because there aren't any others, aru? How dare you, fandom? I will bite you to death, aru!"

"... Kagura-chan, where did you hear that expression?"

Kagura didn't respond. Instead, she just giggled as tonfa's emitting purple fire appeared in her hands. Inconspicuously as he could, Shinpachi backed away, eyeing said tonfas with trepidation and fear.

"Enough, the pair of you! We have a story to tell!" Gintoki snapped as mummy like wraps seemed to float around his head. His eye flashed red as he stared at Kagura, using the Quirk Erasure to banish her flames.

Shinpachi twitched.

"On with the story! Places, everyone!" Gintoki declared as everyone began to scramble for the story to start yet again.

* * *

"You! I should have known you were behind this, aru! Only my mortal enemy could possibly fling me from my comfortable closet into this burning desert world with two suns shining above my head, aru!"

Without hesitation, Kagura attacked.

Artoo valiantly fought back in a shower of sparks and flame as he blasted back, dodging the swing of the Yato's umbrella.

"Hey! Hey, stop! Why are you attacking my droid!" Luke couldn't help but twitch. First, the girl attacks Ben all while muttering and yelling about someone named Kenofi, then she took one look at Artoo and began swinging at the droid as well, all while muttering about mortal enemies this and mortal enemies that and seaweed, of all things.

"Tch. Crazy girl. Spends too much time around the Yorozuya." Hijikata declared, sticking a cigarette in his mouth and dodging as Sougo, the little shit, tried to cut it in half. Hijikata needed this. He needed something to calm his nerves. This whole planet was crazy.

"Hey! Kagura-chan may be insane, but you have no right to call her that!" Shinpachi defended his friend while adamantly looking anywhere but at Obi-Wan Kenobi. He looked like an older version of Kenofi, which was downright odd. What the hell? It was almost as if the universe had conspired against them, as if Obi-Wan was a parody of his friend turned slave to little green aliens bent on destroying the Earth.

If only Shinpachi knew, it was literally the other way around.

"Even you admit the girl is insane. I like it. I'm going to fight her. It looks fun." Sougo cut across. Ah. Okay. Not a prob- wait, what?

The two groups had eventually collided with one another into what was rather quickly becoming a violent clash. The second Kagura had spotted Artoo, she had attacked without hesitation, without any logical reason behind her actions. Because of that, poor Artoo was currently locked into a life to death battle against a Yato warrior as Duel of the Fates randomly played around them.

A duel that was interrupted as Sougo jumped out of nowhere, sword swinging at Kagura. With ease and instinct honed by the genetic memory of the warrior's blood running in her veins, Kagura deflected the blow easily enough before counterattacking.

"You! I was surprised you survived against Kaumi! You won't survive me!"

Then, the two began an intricate dance of swings and blows while Artoo, the little blue bastard, recorded it all while chirping in excitement. Shinpachi twitched.

Ben joined him in twitching. Enough of this ridiculousness.

Striding several steps forward, the old man concentrated his Force presence and pushed. Both Kagura and Sougo found themselves flung back. Luke could only watch in awed wonder. Was this the power of the Force, of the Jedi? Shinpachi and Hijikata, however, drew their weapons and, without hesitation, pointed them at the old man, a threat that was easily ignored by said old man.

"Enough! The pair of you, settle down immediately! I'm too old to deal with younglings and their mating rituals!" Ben stated firmly. Both Kagura and Sougo rapidly turned red, shouting denials as they glared at the old man. Ignoring them. Ben turned to Artoo. "I was told you have a message for me?"

The droid then proceeded to swear in so many different languages that it left Hijikata impressed. Sure, every single word got censored out, but you truly have to admire someone willing to attempt to circumvent the swear word beeping curse by instead switching languages, over and over again.

* * *

Sakamoto Tatsuma wondered, not for the first time, if trusting Takasugi had been wise. All things considered, it very likely had not been a wise decision. Sakamoto was coming to this conclusion for one very simple and glaring reason.

He had been abandoned on Tatooine by his companion with absolutely no means of communication. And, since neither the Kaientai or the Kiheitai were informed at all in the slightest what their respective leaders were planning, no one knew where he was and there was no possible rescue being mounted.

Not that Mustu would help either way. His second in command would just sneer, state that Sakamoto had brought it on himself, then turn away with cruel indifference.

This had not been part of the plan. This had not been part of the plan at all. Now, if Sakamoto wanted to survive, he would regrettably have to seek out Kintoki. Sure, he could survive on his own without doing so quite well, but knowing his luck there was no way he wouldn't run into his silver haired friend sooner or later.

Takasugi had condemned him. Condemned him to take the fall, to take the brunt of the anger.

"Ah!" Sakamoto screamed, gazing up at the burning heavens. "Takasugi! Your betrayal will be remembered! I know what you're planning! What you are attempting to force! You want me to take the brunt of the blame for this, don't you!? You want me to be forced to seek Kintoki out and tell him of our involvement in this, don't you? Well, I won't do it! I-"

"What was that, Sakamoto-kun?" a voice interrupted his musings. Sakamoto froze. "I could have sworn you just confessed to being behind this. I could have sworn you just confessed to breaking the sacred duty of men, interrupting other men when they're in the process of taking naps."

Slowly, Sakamoto turned around.

There, standing a few feet away from him, with the billowing sands of Tatooine swirling around him, was Sakata Gintoki, an evil look in his eyes as they seemed to glow red. How Sakamoto hadn't noticed him before was beyond him. He really was slipping if he hadn't noticed. He hadn't even noticed the pile of Stormtroopers either, or the elderly couple in the background watching them with trepidation.

"Ah haha, ah hahah! You must have heard wrong, Kintoki! I would never!"

"SHINU!"

"AH!"

* * *

"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope." with that declaration, the girl ended the video.

Sitting inside Ben Kenobi's small hut, which really did not have room for so many people, they could only watch in shock as the video finished playing out.

"Wow… She's beautiful." Luke finally concluded.

Ben, unseen by the rest, blanched at the words. By the Force. If he didn't put a stop to that as soon as possible, even if there was some semblance of Anakin Skywalker left under the dark tar that was Vader, Anakin would kill him.

In an alternate reality known as canon, Darth Vader regretted killing Obi-Wan quickly as he managed to break through his son's hastily drawn metal defenses upon the Second Death Star.

Hijikata smacked Luke upside the head.

"That's all you can say! Clearly, that girl is in need of help against an evil empire!"

"I'm not doing it unless I get paid, aru. Gin-san says to never give away your labor for free, aru." Kagura said.

Sougo blinked.

"Doesn't he stiff the two of you on payments frequently, though? So, doesn't that mean the pair of you work for him without getting paid?"

Shinpachi and Kagura both twitched the the mention of Gintoki's payment habits. Or rather, lack of payment habits. Stupid perm head, blowing their hard earned cash on gambling and sweets.

Luke turned towards Ben.

"You fought in the Clone Wars?"

The others feel silent at the words. Clone Wars? There was much about this world that they did not know. Much about this Galaxy, it seemed, that they knew nothing about. It was times like these where Hijikata realized that useless anpan freak Yamazaki would be useful. For all his faults, Yamazaki was good at gathering intel when he actually put his mind towards it.

Ben nodded.

"I did. That was before the dark times. Before the Empire. For a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice. I-"

"How does anyone remember a thousand generations, aru?"

"Maybe it's just a number they made up?"

"You're being disrespectful! Let him speak! Filthy Yorozuya brats!"

"But, Hijikata-san, the story is boring. I want to kill something."

"Shut it, you little sociopath! We have company!"

"AHEM." Ben coughed. Loudly. Then, twisting around, he began to rummage around in a conveniently placed basket. "Aha! Your father's Lightsaber!"

Luke nearly dropped the metal shaft that was tossed at him before glancing at it, twisting the gleaming metal tube in his hands.

"Dads… Lightsaber… Dad. Dad was a Jedi?" Luke stared at Ben in wonder.

Ben nodded.

"He was. One of the best. You should have seen him in a starfighter, or in the middle of a duel, or when he was commanding armies. He was magnificent." Ben reminisced, a small tear forming in his eyes.

A feeling of dread began to pool into Luke's stomach.

"My father… What happened to him? Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen never told me he was a Jedi! Why would they keep that from me?" Luke blurted out.

Why would they lie?

Ben opened his mouth several times, seemingly contemplating the words before he spoke. His face took a pained expression, which, for a Jedi, is really saying something. Jedi were so good at suppressing their emotions, so good at concealing them, that for them to show so blatantly betrayed the true agony Ben Kenobi really felt. Then, at long last, the words spilled from his mouth with great reluctance.

"Your father, Anakin Skywalker, was… He was murdered, by his best friend. Murdered by my other apprentice. By Darth Vader, who was seduced by the dark side teachings of the Emperor." Ben finally managed to choke out, acting as if each and every word was lava on his tongue.

Luke flinched back as if slapped. Vader had killed his father? Vader, of all people, had known his father? No wonder Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen had wanted to keep this hidden from him! If Vader was willing to murder Luke's father, there was no telling what else the Sith Lord would do. Vader-

"Who in their right mind names a kid Vader?"

"Who names a stupid bitch Kagura."

"What did you just say, super sadist!"

"It was Hijikata-san, not me."

"What? Don't pin your sins on me, Sougo! I'll kill you myself!"

"AHEM!" Ben coughed loudly again. Seriously. Did these guests have no sense of proper etiquette or manners. Rising to his feet, Ben glanced around.

"Does anyone want tea?"

"Tea? Is he British? And hey, what if this Anakin and this Vader are the same person and it was a spiritual death, not a physical one?"

Ben shot a withering look at Artoo as he began to beep in what was no doubt approval. The droid whimpered slightly, fearing for his memory banks.

"Stupid Shinpachi! As if that would ever happen! And don't say such things around his kid! How disrespectful, aru!"

Ben twitched.

These strangers would be the death of him.

Where had they come from, anyways?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So, this chapter made me consider somethings about Obi-Wan. I mean, I always assumed he'd been up to something in the films, with the whole set Luke on Vader without telling him the truth thing, but you gotta wonder, how far back does this go?

Published: 2/15/2018

Warnings: None

* * *

** Chapter 4 **

**Red Eyed Stare**

Gintoki grumbled. The current situation itself, surprisingly, did not bother him. Being stuck here in the middle of the desert was a bit annoying, but Gintoki had been through worse. He could deal with something as minor as this.

No. There was something else that annoyed him. Something else that annoyed him to his core.

Gintoki, ignoring the food Aunt Berry had present to him, twisted towards the camera, right at you. Yes, you, the reader. The person who's currently reading this, the person who made all of this possi-

"I'm not glaring at them or even looking at them! I'm looking at you!" Gintoki pointed dramatically… At me. Me as in me, the author.

Gintoki glared.

"Stop writing me into crossovers! At least finish this one first before you toss me into another one! I swear to strawberry milk, if you continue I'll find a way to crawl out of the cell phone you're typing on- and who writes on a phone anyways- and beat you senseless!"

Beru and Owen could only watch, flabbergasted.

…

"Bloody crazy Jedi. Just as mad as Kenobi's last student. That man is cursed, I tell you."

Beru couldn't argue against tha-

"Yes she very well can! You just don't want anyone to defend my honor! Release me!"

* * *

The first sign that something was wrong was when they came across the destroyed Jawa Sandcrawler.

The second sign that something was wrong was when Luke spotted the smoke currently rising from the distance in a very familiar direction. In a desert, it gets difficult to tell what way you're actually looking since everything basically looks the same, but Luke had always had a natural knack of knowing where he was going and where things were.

It was a gift.

A gift that was now leading him to-

A sword jammed its way into the front of the speeder and it came to a grinding hault as the power was cut, causing it to fall in the sand.

Luke resisted the urge to scream.

"Oiy, trash. What do you think you're doing? Running off with out only transportation, huh?"

Luke slowly looked up. Hijikata had appeared on top of the Speeder, katana in hand. The blade had been driven right through the heart of the speeder. How Hijikata had enough strength to cut through the heavy cover was beyond Luke, but the other had managed it.

He's severed the power couplings and left the speeder standard.

Luke gulped at the look Hijikata was shooting him. His eyes seemed to glow a demonic red.

"How rude! Abandoning us here in the middle of the desert!"

"Kagura-chan, he's worried about his family!" Shinpachi snapped.

Yes. Yes, Luke was worried about his family. Yes, he and Uncle Owen didn't get along most days and yeah, Aunt Beru nagged like crazy, but they were still his family and he loved them and there was a feeling in the back of his head telling him that they were in danger.

"I know! But didn't he think that maybe we could help?" Kagura argued right back.

Luke looked around.

Help… They were willing to help? But, they were just strangers. Literally. Strangers that had just so happened to have been wandering around in the desert. Strangers that had attacked them a few times, actually, which was pretty rude now that Luke considered it, but still.

Strangers that-

"Why in the hell would we help this rude little brat? We should just beat him and the old man, take the speeder, and be on our way."

…

Then there was Sougo.

"You're the police! You're suppose to enforce the law, not break it!"

And so it began once more.

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi could only gape before carefully schooling his features. Best not to give anything away, although, internally, he seethed. These strangers hadn't seemed of much interest at first. The Force hadn't given him any warning of their coming, so Obi-Wan had assumed they weren't really that important.

They were proving to be a far greater annoyance than he had thought possible, as evidence by the battered bodies of the Stormtroopers laid out before them at the Lars Farm.

…

What, are you surprised?

Think logically.

How could Obi-Wan have possibly not known it would come to this? Sure, it could be theorized that Obi-Wan had purposely cut himself off from the Force, therefore not noticing the way Stormtroopers were slowly clawing their way towards the home of the boy he had literally been watching over for the last 20 years.

Or, you can apply logic and realize that Obi-Wan Kenobi, while full of good intentions, is far more brutal than most give him credit for.

"Uncle Owen! Aunt Beru!"

"Luke!"

The heartfelt family reunion contradicted the image Obi-Wan had forseen. This was a turn of events that, while joyful, would likely in the long run cause more harm than good. This moment, their deaths, were meant to push Luke right down his destined path, a path Obi-Wan didn't approve of but a path that he knew had to be done either way.

Luke Skywalker had to kill Darth Vader. There was no other way for this to end.

Obi-Wan was knocked out of his musings as a strange silver haired man appeared next to him. Obi-Wan blinked as blood red eyes stared at him in unmasked suspicion.

Obi-Wan didn't know why, but this man… This man unnerved him. He didn't feel normal, either. The Force was bent around the silver haired man in such a strange fashion that standing so near him actually made his stomach twist a little.

"Yes, young man. How can I help you?" Obi-Wan asked politely.

The red eyes narrowed further.

"Kenofi. You survived. And aged a bit… Hm. Well, I suppose as long as that little green midget of a master of yours isn't around anymore, you won't be harmful." the silver haired man declared, whistling as he turned away and walked off towards the rest of his companions, unaware of the mini heart attacks Obi-Wan was suffering from.

What?

No, really, what?

Could this day get any stranger?

Unfortunately for Obi-Wan, he had just performed a most grievous sin. You never tempt the universe.


	5. Uneasy Alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darth Vader and Takasugi Shinsuke have formed an uneasy alliance for a single purpose: to bring Utsuro to an end

A/N: Hi all! I've… Had most of this chapter sitting in my documents for like… A month I think? Anyways, it finally feels good, soooo…. Enjoy!

Published: 5/11/2018

Warnings:

_Italics: Flashback_

* * *

** Chapter 5 **

**Uneasy Alliance**

_Vader's back slammed against a wall. A sharp gasp escaped the cyborg's lips as he struggled to stand, struggled to rise._

_All around him, fires burned. The familiar sight of utter destruction, destruction that Vader himself had rendered again and again against the enemies of the Empire._

_Only, this time, this wanton destruction had been rendered against him. How utterly embarrassing._

_A single figure strode forth. Gleaming eyes stared at him, a benign smile playing on the others lips._

_Empty._

_Wound._

_A hole in the universe, in the Force itself, sucking away at all life. Sucking away Vader's own life force. Never once had he experienced something so dark, so twisted. This was worse than Sidious, worse than any secrets of the Dark Side Vader had uncovered and wielded._

_At least those existed in the Force._

_This… This monster…_

_This was something else entirely._

_The shining metal of a katana gleamed in the firelight. Vader was sure the damn thing had a cortosis-weave. How else would it distant the full brunt of Vader's Lightsaber?_

_"If this is the best the Sith have to offer… Then I confess, I am disappointed."_

_Vader glared._

_And Utsuro?_

_Utsuro merely smiled._

* * *

Back in the present, Darth Vader, tall and imposing and, as usual, draped in shadows, stared out across to Tatooine below. Crossing his arms before him, a frown played on his lips behind his respirator. The only sound in the room was the tell tale echo of his breath, rasped and broken. Mechanical. Hardly even human. Not anymore. Not ever again.

Never again, because of the presence he could sense even now on the planet below, no matter how much it tried to hide and conceal itself from him. Oh, silly, silly Master.

"Master… Of course, you would chose this world to hide from me. I have been content to allow you your respite, but I am afraid that shall soon come to an end."

Obi-Wan. Foolish, idiotic, stupid Obi-Wan. Did he really think he could hide from Vader here of all places?

Vader had known. He had always known. Perhaps it was one last echo of sentimentality that had prevented him from acting on it, but Vader had always known that this is where his Master had fled. This is where he was hidden.

Of course, things were now coming to full circle. Of course, the Princess would come here, in one last desperate effort to recruit a broken Jedi Master against the Empire.

It would make no difference.

Vader narrowed his eyes, contemplating his next move. Normally, he would be content to just go on as he always had, pretending Kenobi did not exist. Kenobi made it easy by stepping aside, not moving a single muscle as the Republic he had loved and fought for shattered apart, reforming itself into an Empire. Personally, Vader had no idea how the Republic had lasted anywhere near as long as it had.

Anything so massive needed a true leader at the head, running things properly as they should. The Republic was far too stagnant, far too scattered to have any true effect. Even the last two decades hadn't been able to undo all the idiocy that was the Republic.

The Empire was not perfect. Vader could acknowledge that. Quite frankly, things wouldn't be until that deranged monster sitting on the throne could be overthrown. And, he would. Vader would overthrow Sidious, but first, he needed to find a suitable apprentice.

But, before that, there was another threat he had to deal with. Another threat which caused Vader to pause, glaring down at the planet below him.

He should have left already. Tatooine brought back too many twisted memories, from his first surrender to the Dark Side among the corpses of Tusken Raiders to the very first moment he'd met Obi-Wan.

Vader hissed.

Really. Hiding here was more a psychological move than anything else. Kenobi really didn't give himself credit. He was just as manipulative as Palpatine, really. More so, perhaps, as Palpatine had decades of experience as opposed to Kenobi. To Kenobi, this twisted manipulation just came natural.

There was a reason the man had been called the Negotiator, after all.

Still, Vader did not move.

To leave… Or to stay.

Kenobi was superfluous. Vader was content, ignoring the other until the end of time. No… What drew him here was another thing entirely.

"You are sure that man can draw out the Purger?"

Beside him, Takasugi Shinsuke took a puff from his pipe.

"Of course. If anyone can draw out out dear former Master, if anyone can draw out Utsuro… It's Gintoki."

Vader grimaced under his mask.

Utsuro.

The Purger.

That… Abomination. That was the only word Vader could think of to describe the other. He'd come across him once, and, frankly, had been forced to retreat. Next time, Vader wouldn't dare degrade himself with such an act, but at the time he hadn't had a choice.

He had not been prepared for the man's presence in the Force. The utter wrongness of it all.

Utsuro… He was a festering wound, more terrible than any Vader had faced or seen before. An emptiness in which all life dies. A life, eternal, that should never have come about.

A being that could level an entire world with but a drop of his blood, his life force, his energy.

Utsuro's very presence had left Vader sick to his stomach. For a moment, his systems had failed to function. Vader was no fool. He knew he was lucky to have survived the encounter.

Their next meeting would end with the other broken at his feet. Immortal or no, Vader would like to see how even an abomination like Utsuro would fare when flung into the heart of a star.

Vader narrowed his eyes, gazing down at his old homeworld.

Sakata Gintoki wandered below, among the toiling sands at this very moment. Sakata, who, according to Vader's new ally, would be able to draw out their target.

"You are sure Utsuro will come for him?" Vader demanded once more.

Demand, because they needed to be sure. Why an immortal that had lived more eons than Vader could even count would want with Sakata was beyond Vader, but Takasugi seemed utterly sure of it.

Once more, Takasugi nodded.

"Yes. The more of us you gather in one place, really, the better chance you have."

Vader looked up at that.

"The more of you?"

Takasugi smiled.

"But of course. The more disciples of Shouyou that we can gather… The more likely we are to draw out the beast. And that one? That one, below, is the key to it all."

Vader decided that, for now, he would concede this. He sensed no dishonesty from this sorry excuse of a terrorist. Rebel scum as he was, Takasugi believed every word leaving his tainted lips.

Gintoki would lead them to Utsuro.

Of course, if the silver haired man could not, then Vader would kill him and Takasugi both. The Purger was not a threat they could be taken lightly. That monster could not be allowed to run around, destroying world after world.

There was no pattern to it. No rhyme, no reason, no purpose. Just wanton destruction that benefited no one. Vader would have been perfectly willing to turn a blind eye and, indeed, so would the Emperor, if Utsuro kept his targets to worlds that were unimportant.

Vader remembered how only a month ago he had gazed down at the ruins of Naboo, shattered and floating about space. His hand clenched.

No.

The Purger would be put to an end, and the next time they met, Vader would be ready. That twisted Force presence was nothing in the face of someone who knew to expect it, and Vader would break him.

Now, however… Now was the time to move on. The pieces were already in place. All that remained was to set the bait, and Kenobi?

Vader knew Kenobi would bite. This game of theirs would end. No more pretending. No, no more pretending at all. Whatever old sentiments Vader held, they would die soon, along with his old Master, and along with Utsuro.

* * *

Any good Jedi knows that you have to improvise for the unexpected. Obi-Wan had expected it to be simple. He stands aside, the Stormtroopers cut down Owen and Beru, and he starts Luke on a journey that will end with the Empire's fall.

Purposely turning a blind eye to people in need when you can do something about it was not the Jedi way, but it was something Obi-Wan had grown accustomed to in the years of his exile. He had to, if only to survive. If only to accomplish his goals, his dreams that would see this terror at long last come to an end.

However, his carefully laid plans were ruined by the arrival of these strangers. Two foreign police officers, a conman if he'd ever seen it, a lazy samurai, and his two associates, barreling in and causing a general mess of everything.

No matter. Obi-Wan could work with this. Perhaps with was for the best, really. Even Obi-Wan could admit that extra backup would help. It always did. The real problem, really, would be convincing Owen and Beru to let him take Luke.

And that was the clincher, wasn't it?

Obi-Wan had left Luke here all those years ago because he wanted to give him the one thing Obi-Wan himself would never have been able to provide. A real, genuine, loving family.

Obi-Wan had been too broken himself to take on the task. Too scared, too terrified. Terrified that he would love this boy, like he had Anakin. Terrified he would fail this boy the same way. Terrified that those blue eyes would bleed into the familiar look of red and yellow and corruption, like his father before him.

He couldn't. He just couldn't keep him. It had hurt. It had hurt far too much, so Obi-Wan had been content to just sit back and watch from afar. But, now… An entirely different task lay out before him.

A task made much more prevalent by the massive ship currently tainting the normally clear skies of Tatooine.

Obi-Wan Kenobi grimaced, gazing up at the Star Destroyer that still had not departed. For a week, it had remained there, floating above and threatening death and destruction. He doubted it would do so as such an act would no doubt result in war between the Hutts and the Empire, yet still, the Star Destroyer had not moved.

The Star Destroyer harboring his former apprentice.

Anakin. No. Not Anakin. Not anymore. Not ever again. What floated above was a corpse, wearing the face of the boy Obi-Wan had raised. The face of his little brother, whom Obi-Wan had left, burning to death in the fires of Mustafar.

…

That, Obi-Wan could admit, had been one of his darker moments.

Now, years later, he could admit the reason for it. He had left Anakin burning there to death because he had wanted him to break, wanted him to suffer. Suffer, like the Galaxy would in the darkness he had plunged it all into. Suffer, like the Jedi, like the children Anakin had butchered without a second thought. Suffer, like Obi-Wan had, when he realized that all along he'd been raising a monster.

Obi-Wan had heard him scream, again and again. The monster had screamed, and Obi-Wan had mourned. He had mourned, not for the monster cooking upon the surface of a burning world, but instead mourned for the little boy he'd known and loved and lost.

The little boy that was currently above them.

Obi-Wan grimaced.

"Sukonbu for your thoughts?"

Obi-Wan blinked. What in the what?

Then, a strange salt covered plant was flung into his hair. Spluttering, the old Jedi Master turned. The girl that had attacked him, the Yato, as Obi-Wan had been informed, was staring right at him.

And wasn't that a wonder. A Yato, here if all places. Obi-Wan wanted to slap himself for not realizing it earlier. Supernatural strength, the umbrella, the aversion to sunlight, the pale skin; the list went on and on.

There had once been a Sith Lord that was a Yato, several thousand years ago. A rather famous one too that had, surprise surprise, almost brought the Republic to its knees. Obi-Wan remembered studying about said Sith Lord. What was his name again? Or was it a woman, actually?

Reba? Raven? Something that started with an R. Hm.

Oh, wait. Right. Darth Revan.

Extremely dangerous Force powers coupled with the seemingly supernatural strength and war instincts of the girl sitting beside him? Obi-Wan shuddered at the very thought of it.

The Yato before him didn't have a presence in the Force. At least, no more than a normal person did. She wasn't Force Sensitive, yet despite that, she had given Obi-Wan a definite challenge in their brief encounter.

He didn't even want to consider what Darth Revan had been capable of.

"I… We need to get a move on. The Princess will need our help." Obi-Wan spoke.

"Ours? What makes you think we'll come along?" a voice growled.

Obi-Wan turned.

The one known as Hijikata glared at him, lips dragging against a cigarette. Personally, Obi-Wan had never understood the habit of nicotine, but then again, after Anakin he himself had been rather tempted to drown himself in alcohol, and he briefly wondered if it was something like that.

Nicotine was suppose to calm the nerves, from what Obi-Wan understood.

Regardless, Obi-Wan met the other man's gaze headon.

"Simple. You and your cohorts are not from here. This isn't your world, and you have no idea how you've ended up here. Whatever has brought us together, it is the will of the Force-" Obi-Wan began.

"More like the will of annoying procrastinating authors that sometimes wait months between updates."

Obi-Wan wasn't sure where Gintoki had come from, but there he was, muttering in annoyance. Obi-Wan elected to ignore him, continuing on.

"The Force has brought us together. I doubt this has been by chance. I help you, and you help me, young man." Obi-Wan offered.

"... I didn't even get to fight anyone yet in the other crossover! Just crystal warriors that look like the others! Although, I suppose I did knock the little witch out."

"What on earth are you blabbering on about now?!"

"Shut it, Shintank!"

Shintank? Obi-Wan was regaled with the sight of the calmest of the bunch, and that was really saying something, swearing loudly while glaring at Gintoki. Gintoki, unperturbed, continued to mutter about his annoyance with the author, whatever that meant.

"Oh dear. Perhaps we should not have told Master Sakata or our previous mistakes in identifying Master Shintak, Artoo."

Ah. That explained things. A little.

All of this was, of course, interrupted by the screaming voice of Owen which, really, was the only reason they were still here instead of attempting to seek a way off this planet.

"Whatever the case is, you are not going!"

"What? I have to! My dad was a Jedi, and I'm going to be one too! Why have the two of you lied to me all this time!"

"Ha? Your father, a Jedi? That sorry excuse for a human being isn't worth Hutt shit!"

Oh dear. Obi-Wan groaned. Yes, the survival of Luke's chosen guardians would make things far more complicated. Sigh. Well, time to interfere, before it got worse. And yes, it could definitely get worse.

As Obi-Wan stood, his vision swayed. For a moment, the old man stuttered, eyes scrunched in confusion.

What…

Pale eyes, empty, gazing straight at him. A smile, fake and false, that caused a feeling of terror to course through him before he shrugged it off.

What… What in the world had that been?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know have a tumblr. Same username as on here. I've just started the thing, but I'll be posting random things there for all my stories
> 
> [UnknownUnseenUnheard](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/unknownunseenunheard)
> 
> * * *


End file.
